I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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