We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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