Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
