I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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