i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
MIDGETS
????
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
