What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
pray to the hookup gods
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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