I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also, beer. Big fan.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
