I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
