you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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