just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
