no, he came in my armpit
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
