My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
