And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
