A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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