If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ladies don't puke and tell
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
