I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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