He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
