I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
