Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
