You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
