Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
