So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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