there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
