Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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