I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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