i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
