this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
