Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
