I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
