she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it penis luge time yet?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize