i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
