Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
