I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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