Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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