I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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