Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
