No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
tell me about the fingering
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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