you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
