Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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