I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
