We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
