Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
