every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
