The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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