Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
