We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
