Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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