textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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