so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
