Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
