Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
