Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
