If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and she was petting her beer can
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
