GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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