mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
