I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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