11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dont even know how to be here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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