Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You need a sexual gate keeper
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
