Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
