So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
