my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
