I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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