Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize