now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
