She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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