grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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