hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
