and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
